A Drop in the Bucket
by cheZaswulf
Summary: COMPLETE: Severus Snape was ordered by Dumbledore to give Occlumency lessons to Harry. He tries to keep his feelings in check but tempers flare as Harry and Snape attempt to work together. Slash aka yaoi. Snape's POV
1. Chapter 1

Drop in the Bucket

By Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Author Commentary: This story has been going in my mind since I read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, book five. I was actually resisting writing it for a while but finally decided the story had a life of its own and I needed to write it. Thank you for giving it a try. I know many people have written stories that are far fetched and unrealistic to Harry Potter, so I'm trying my best to be loyal to the story and keep them in character as much as possible. However I do feel that Snape has been underappreciated as a character. I think that I want to explore him as a person and I am going to venture forth into that arena, so have patience. Please let me know about any typos or anything that isn't true to the story because I am very concerned about that. Anyway please enjoy and let me know what you think.

Drop in the Bucket

Chapter 1

Harry's shoulders were stiff when he entered Severus's office for his first Occlumency lesson, and they were stiff as he left. Severus Snape was amused despite himself. The boy had that same proud, arrogant nature as James, but was much more wary of Severus than James had ever been. The lesson had been less humorous, and Severus was very annoyed with Dumbledore for putting him in that tedious position. He didn't want to be involved with James' son any more than he had to.

Severus Snape relaxed in his chair when Potter left, running his hands through his hair as if to shake the images of his student's memories from his mind. The face of Lilly's sister littered the boy's unhappy childhood memories, the jealousy that she'd had of her sister was clear in her eyes. She had laughed at Harry who had run from a barking bulldog, which must have seemed huge to a small child. That image seemed to stick out more than any other to Severus who had been surprised. He hadn't thought about whom had taken Lilly's son in, but now it only seemed natural since James was an only child and Lilly had one sibling.

Severus didn't look forward to teaching Harry Occlumency. His face and voice almost duplicates of his father's, making his conceited comments more loathsome. Severus' head pounded and he moved around the empty classroom to check that it was all in order. With his wand he swept away the dust into the bin, and closed the drapes and lights. Some of the images continued to dance behind his eyes: a dead boy who he'd had in his own class last year, eyes empty and dull. The boy, Cedric, had appeared younger in death, and Severus shook his head wearily. Any sympathy he could have had was underdeveloped and overwhelmed by bitterness.

He was tired.

It occurred to him as he prepared for sleep that he was being punished for his involvement in the James and Lilly's deaths, but he snarled to himself. It was nothing he could change, and he had never meant for Lilly to die. It was a mistake he could never take back. His only goal now was revenge, and he had to focus on it, or lose all of the freedom he had regained by leaving the Dark Lord's side. His thoughts continued to race on, leaving him struggling to sleep all night.

As much as he dreaded it, the Occlumency lesson arrived before he knew it. The second meeting with Harry was not much better. The boy had no talent for guarding his emotions, and was somewhat of a loose-cannon. Severus was frustrated with Harry's inability to protect himself in the most simple way, and watched the boy's apprehensive face after seeing his memories of the muggles mingled with memories from Hogwarts. Severus didn't care for these memories, he had lived with non-magic people before, and he could see how it might have affected Harry's lack of discipline in his magical ability. Severus was prepared for the emotional back lash of the boy's memories on this second meeting. They poured into his mind like hot lava, from the boy who was obviously angry at having his mind invaded. They seemed to simmer in his mind and he glared at the boy. Harry was hunched over and panting harshly, and in his eyes seemed to be reliving every moment of each memory Severus had seen. The humiliation he felt and the terror of the dementors that had surrounded him and Sirius two years ago for example, were clear on his face.

"That was pathetic Potter! Get up and try again," Severus shouted, glaring at the boy who had been brought to his knees upon the impact of the attack to his mind. If the boy didn't protect himself it was only going to get worse. Next came Harry's memories of the Triwizard tournament and his fight with the dragon flickered in Severus' mind, with its black wings and sharp teeth, the face of the beast too large and close for his comfort. This type of bravery was not something that Severus possessed, and he was not one for face to face confrontation with large magical creatures. It only made him feel more pathetic that this boy who was decades his junior had the ability to fight a monster like this and survive, even doing better than others before him. It was a contradiction to how poorly he was doing against a mental attack.

"The Dark Lord will use these weaknesses against you, and you must be able to defend yourself! You are not taking this seriously enough," Severus snapped.

"I am taking it seriously," Harry argued, rubbing his head, and getting into a stance that meant he was prepared. It was a muggle-type stance that Severus reflected seemed to fit Harry's personality.

"Then prove it! Legilimens!" He shouted pointing his wand in a natural attack gesture. The spell hit them both with Harry's memories. He saw Harry facing a group of Death Eaters, and then he heard it from a distance and getting louder, the memory of a woman shrieking in terror, calling Harry's name. There was no image or picture with this last memory but Severus knew what it was; who it was.

When his eyes clear, he found Harry crumpled on the floor, completely passed out. Severus was shocked at the memory and for a few minutes he leaned against the wall, his hands shaking, and grateful that the boy had passed out. His back slid down the wall until he hit the floor, and he allowed his eyes to water.

"Lilly…" He said in a broken hearted voice, her beautiful face from his past now coming back as a haunting memory.


	2. Chapter 2

A Drop in the Bucket Chapter 2

by Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Author's comments: Here is the next part, I am really enjoying writing this story. Please review it because people have read the story but nobody has commented to tell me what they like or don't like. Please be constructive! By the way, I have decided to lean toward yaoi, aka slash fanfiction in this story, because that's what I want to do.

Chapter 2

Harry would be easy to wake with a simple enervate spell, but Severus hesitated. He needed time to collect himself and his thoughts. The unexpected memories of Lilly had thrown him for a loop, since Harry had been so young when she had died. Yet there was one moment of terrible screaming, of what seemed to be Lilly's last dying moment and her attempt to save her son from a murderer. Severus sat crouched on the floor, not bothering to brush his hair that fell to cover his face. His cheeks were flushed with anger at the knowledge that Lilly had given up her life for this child. He felt the loneliness of that time when he had found out about her death, and it made his stomach lurch. This would not have even happened if it had been he, Severus, who Lilly had chosen.

Severus took a few long minutes to breath, trying to school his features and reason with himself. There was nothing more that he could do for her, and all of his worrying would not do anything to help anyone. For a while he feared the boy would wake and put the whole thing together himself. But no, the boy was not that clever. After a few deep breaths, he took control back over himself. Standing up, he shook himself free of his own dark thoughts, and woke Harry up with a quick flick of his wand. He wanted the boy out of his room and away from him.

"What happened?" Harry asked, staring accusingly at his professor.

"You passed out. I am ending the lesson, since you obviously cannot handle any more today. Come back next Wednesday, same time. Do your homework this time, Potter, because you are failing miserably," Severus sneered in a convincing manner, which was enough to send Harry into a fit of anger. The boy dusted himself off, and stormed out with one last baleful glare over his shoulder. Severus clicked his tongue impatiently and pushed back his hair.

He had many reports to grade for the next day and was able to get through quite a lot of them. They kept his mind off of things, and allowed him to focus on the here and now. Most of the students were below his personal standard of potions ability, which had always been high. Severus sat alone in his dark classroom, surrounded by candle light that soothed his mind. He was a night person by nature, and enjoyed solitude to companionship, which most people seemed to think was strange. For Severus, it was just as natural as being able to learn a potion within the first minutes of reading its instructions. In the end he could take the ingrediants and improve upon it. His professors had always found him an exemplary student.

"Good evening, Severus," a soft voice asked from behind him. Severus could not disguise his slight flinch of shock, before he turned and met the smiling eyes of the headmaster.

"Good evening, do you need anything?" Severus lay down his quill carefully on the assignment he had been grading, and began to rise from his seat. There were few reasons why Dumbledore would visit him this late, but it was still an odd jolt to see him in his class room.

"No need to disturb yourself Severus, I was merely making a brief visit before I retire to my quarters for the evening. Grading papers, I see?" Dumbledore smiled softly, waving Severus back to his seat. It always felt as if Severus was his favorite person in the world whenever they spoke. Perhaps he was not, but Severus wondered what really lay behind the warm smile. The power of the man before him was not met by any other alive today, and Severus often felt that his own immeasurable genius at spells and potions was inadequate in comparison. However intimidation was not needed by someone of Dumbledore's level, though he never seemed to truly get close to those around him. That was how large the gulf of power between him and normal wizards, but his nature was not unlike Severus'. It made him want to give his loyalty completely.

"Yes, I often wonder if they purposely turn in work that is poorly thought out and badly written, or if they just don't want to do well." Severus felt the bite of sarcasm in his voice and fought against it, however much good it did him. There was little hope in his students ever understanding the feeling of doing a perfect spell and getting the full potential out of it. It frustrated him to no end sometimes that he could not express this to them.

"Perhaps you are just being too hard on yourself Severus. Despite the difficult nature of potions all of your efforts have not been wasted. I think you should press on, because for all the effort you put out, there will be those special few students who truly reciprocate and even outsmart you in your own art. That makes it all worth while, I think." Dumbledore seemed particularly sad as he spoke and Severus wondered if the recent discourse in the school was affecting him. Having a member of the ministry practically invade the school, disguising herself as a Dark Arts teacher, was one of the many problems they were facing. Many of the students and professors were ill equipped to hide their discomfort with her, but Severus amused himself trying to figure out what the older man was thinking.

"So how is the Occlumency going?" The question was dropped simply, but strategically, out of nowhere.

"Potter is impossible," Severus snapped, masking his flustered thoughts. "I wonder at his ability to keep a secret much less close his mind to magical attack."

"I see..." Dumbledore said, now sincere worry marring his expression.

"I will do my best, but the boy is careless. He has no respect for me and very little discipline. I fear that it may not work." Severus watched the changes on Dumbledore's face to weigh his reaction.

"That cannot be Severus, you must get through to him at all cost. Your skill at Occlumency is the highest at the school, there is no one else to trust with this assignment. I regret that it is not under the best circumstances, but please try your best," Dumbledore smiled kindly again, his eyes were clouded with faith in Severus' abilities.

"I... yes, of course," Severus felt a heavy weight in his stomach, but swallowed it and nodded firmly. He felt as though Harry's emotional instability was leaking into his head along with his memories. There was little room for the complex feelings that were rising in him; he had to stay focused as a matter of survival. He had learned long ago that discipline was vital when dealing with those who wanted to hurt you, from his own father no less. It was a lesson he would never forget.

"Thank you Severus," Dumbledore said softly, turning to leave. "Someday Harry will appreciate these lessons. He is very young yet, but he might even thank you for them."

"I highly doubt it, but I will continue to try nonetheless. Goodnight," Severus peered down at the papers he was grading, forcing himself to focus once again. His mind attempted to wander out to uncharted territory, but he refused to allow it. He made sure to finish grading every paper before quitting, and ended up staying up until long after midnight. He almost drifted asleep in his own chair, but jumped up at the sound of Peeves chanting one of his ridiculous poems in the hallway. It was enough to jar him awake, which was a lucky thing. If his first class discovered him there, he'd never hear the end of it.

End of Part 2.


	3. Chapter 3

Drop in the Bucket Chapter 3

by Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Author commentary: Hope I spelled everything right. Please review and let me know what you think!

Severus was lying in his bed when he heard a disembodied voice calling out his name sweetly. He sat up to rub his face and felt a searing pain on his arm where his dark mark was burning with a strange sensation. When he looked at it he saw it was moving on his arm, growing bigger and the black color spreading on his skin. It had never done that before, and he watched on in horror.

"Severus!" The voice beckoned him, more crossly now, and he recognized it. He went to the window and saw Lilly suspened mid-air,white as a ghost. She wore a white dress, shapeless, and stained with tiny droplets of blood.

"Lilly? How did you get here? This is the second floor," Severus said, he tried to look over the edge to her feet but was unable to move. He became dizzy and gave up trying. "What's going on?"

"Severus, I came here to ask you to help Harry, " there were tears on her face, and her eyes burned bright green in desperation.

"I am trying, Lilly! Please don't leave," Severus choked, and knelt at the window where she stood. When he tried to touch her his hand past through as though she was made of mist.

"Harry is in danger, please protect him for me. In time You-Know-Who will find a way to get to him." Lilly was fading as he watched, her face becoming paler and more opaque. Her words came faster, pleading with him. "Please care for Harry Severus, I need your help. It has to be you…"

"No please, don't go! I am so alone…" Severus clenched the stone wall in frustration. He felt the nails and skin break, but he didn't care. She was going to leave him behind again.

"No, you're not alone. There are so many things you don't understand. Open your eyes Severus, you have a job to do! Only you can save my son," she seemed to become brighter suddenly, and then she was gone.

Severus woke up to the harsh realization that it had all been a dream. He was alone in his bedroom, and it was still dark out. After a moment of careful analysis he found his room in order, and his window locked tight. It took all of his willpower not to go to the window to check if she was there. Instead, he slipped out of bed, to make himself some tea. He could not help but laugh bitterly as he stepped into his own small kitchen, where he sat alone and more defeated than he had ever felt.

The next day he was so exhausted that his mood went from bitterness to down right rage. He tried his best to cover it up by ignoring his students and giving them a very easy assignment where the least amount of questions would be asked. By the time they finished it, everyone was actually smiling and laughing in his class, and he was succeeding in keeping his misery to himself. However by the end of the day his anger boiled over, and some of the first years were so petrified that they scrambled to avoid him, and one small girl burst into tears when he reprimanded her. The day lasted so long to him that he was relieved that he had no classes the next day.

He had planned to head into town on Friday to find a few choice ingredients for his next potions assignment, but he was getting restless. In the end he decided to change plans and go that night. He put on his cloak and grabbed his broom tightly. It was early evening so he decided to wait for the sun to set, so that he did not have to parade himself around on a broom for his students and the muggle town nearby. Broom riding had never been his favorite class, and physically his balance wasn't the best. However he did enjoy the freedom it allowed him to come and go from the school when it suited his needs.

He landed his broom outside of Borges and Bottes, and put it under one arm while heading North toward the ingredient shop. It helped relax him to be in a familiar store. He paid for his purchases of ten large toads, and one bag of witch hazel, before he turned to leave. He was at the exit when the door opened and a familiar blond haired wizard appeared at the entrance. They paused, sizing each other up carefully, Mr. Lucious Malfoy's cold blue stare meeting his own blank expression for a moment. Severus focused on the man's eyes and held them confidently, preparing himself for what might be a very loaded conversation.

"Good evening, Professor Snape" Lucious smiled a politician's smile mingled with a gleam of treachery, and a touch of something that Severus did not recognize.

"Mr. Malfoy," Severus greeted him simply, attempting to keep any emotion off his face.

"Fancy meeting you here, Severus, how are you? It's been a while since we last met," Lucious smiled pleasantly, but his eyes were cold as ever.

"Yes, I suspect it has been. I was merely buying some ingredients for my classes- your son's class in fact. He seems to have a talent for potions." Severus smiled slightly, trying to feign a casual air. Their sordid history together had not included much conversation between them.

"Ah, thank you, that is very kind. His mother of course was much better with her potions, than I." Lucious smiled finally, and he seemed to be looking down his nose at Severus for a moment, but then it passed.

"Excuse me now, Mr. Malfoy I must return to the school and prepare my lesson plan for tomorrow. It's very hectic this time of the school year. My best to your wife," Severus took his leave as graciously as possible, bowing slightly before inching toward the door.

"Yes, good night, Severus. I hope to see you soon." Lucious smiled again at the implications of that and stepped away from the door to give him room.

As he was right in front of the door a leather gloved hand blocked his exit, and the blond leaned in close to face Severus, who met his gaze squarely.

"I hope you didn't forget where you come from Severus Snape. The Dark Lord does not forgive traitors. It would be such a shame if you chose the wrong side… Be careful, we wouldn't want to have any accidents, would we?" Lucious' eyes were dark and threatening and held Severus' stare.

"That _would_ be a shame. You don't have to worry about that, Mr. Malfoy, I know where my loyalties lay," Severus pressed against the hand that blocked him, and it moved out of his way. Finally, Severus walked down to an alley where he hefted his bags, and flew up into the air quickly on his broom. He was never so glad to be on his broom as he was at that moment.

End of Chapter 3.


	4. Chapter 4

Drop in the Bucket Chapter 4

by Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I Don't Own Harry Potter!

Author's Comments: Hey people, thanks for reading. Please comment and let me know what you think.

Severus heard the news first thing in the morning from Umbridge herself: Dumbledore was gone, a wanted man by the Ministry of Magic. The news was not a surprise to him, because the ministry was bent on blaming the Hogwarts headmaster since the Dark Lord's return. He now had his excuse to move in and put ministry members into the school as he pleased. So far it was a very bad week, and a feeling of foreboding told Severus that it was only going to get worse. The potions master knew that he had to keep himself on high alert with the current status of the ministry, because even Hogwarts was not safe.

One thing that was worrying Severus was the images of the dark corridor that Harry was seeing in his memories during recent Occlumency lessons. He'd mentioned the department of mysteries and Severus did not know what it meant, except that the Dark Lord must be sending Harry some kind of message. He felt concerned and therefore had decided to work harder with the boy, before it was too late. However something occurred before he could fulfill his goal.

When Harry came for his lesson, Severus should have known by the look in his eye that the boy was plotting something. How could he know that his worst memories would be tampered with by the son of his prepubescent bully? He did admit that perhaps he overreacted, but in hindsight it had been the last straw. Severus had returned from his summons by Draco to find Harry head first in the Pensieve. White hot rage filled his mind and he chased the boy out, tossing the closest thing in hand at him. Breathing heavily he went to recollect his memories, and analyze what Harry had seen, thinking how it might be laughed about by him with his little posse. There was too much going on for him to think clearly, and he blamed Harry who could have just kept his nose out of Severus' memories where it belonged.

James and Sirius had been the boys he had wanted to be at one time. When they first arrived at Hogwarts he had admired them because of their skill at Quidditch and their clever jokes. It had been a sad realization the day he had figured out that not only did they hate him for no reason, but James was intent on stealing Lilly's friendship and love out from under him. It was a sad truth that he had found out too late.

Severus felt guilty at having failed Dumbledore whom trusted him to help Harry, but there was nothing to be done about it. Harry was no different from his father, and Severus could not risk any more of his mental meddling. The headmaster had chosen the wrong man for this job, and Severus could not even consider allowing Harry back into his office again. He could not even confide in Dumbledore and explain things to him. This was the worst case scenerio but there was no backup plan this time.

Later that week Severus was resting his eyes, leaning on his desk heavily. He had not realized his resting had turned into napping until a hesitant knock woke him. Someone was at the door of his office, and Severus was not in a good mood to be dealing with them. The person entered without invitation.

"I thought I asked you never to come back here." Severus snapped, his heart beginning to pound, adrenaline pumping. He was so angry he had to hold himself back from letting himself get out of control.

"S- um, P-Professor Snape… I just wanted to … apologize." Harry stood there, quite pale and almost afraid. He seemed to be looking around to check that Severus was far from any projectile weapons. Unfortunately for him he was, but then again it's not as if a wizard needed any to hurt someone. The boy made a tempting target.

"Fine, now get out!" Snape yelled, his temper rising to the surface. Harry flinched, but didn't leave, pressing his back against the door as if to hold it closed. It was a strange surprise to hear such an apology from a face that looked so similar to James Potter. It did not seem like he would be leaving any time soon. Severus slammed his fist into his work table, shaking all of the glass jars and a few books that fell to the ground. He glared at Harry, looking into his eyes directly in what felt like the first real time.

"I think it was horrible, what he did to you… I wanted to say that I was sorry." Harry said, looking away first.

"Oh, really? You felt bad for me did you? I don't care what you think about it, you are just as self absorbed and arrogant, only you are more of an fool than he was!" Severus stalked up to him, wanting to hurt him, embarrass him as he was embarrassed.

"No, I just thought-"

Severus grabbed Harry's chin, covering his mouth with some of his fingers. Standing this close he could see every emotion on the boy's face. He recognized those eyes, because they were eyes he'd always loved. Lilly's had been identical, with the same size and color, and even spiked with anger aimed at Severus, just like that. Harry was angry, but holding back out of a sense of pity or understanding. Outraged, Severus pushed Harry's head roughly back against the door and watched him cry out in protest mingled with pain. Smiling coldly, Severus leaned over and with one hand behind Harry's head, clutching the hair at the back of his head. He pressed an open kiss to his lips, tonguing deeply and roughly. He felt Harry tense like a spring beneath him, reaching for his wand. With one hand Severus stopped him, pressing him back into the door, eyes open and watching Harry's face. The boy had pale skin, and long eyelashed, which seemed darker, His eyes were closed tightly, and his smooth skin was pinched with fear.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked, his voice hoarse as he pushed away. His face was flushed and eyes uncomprehending at Severus. His confusion only made him easier to hurt, just like his unguarded mind allowed the Dark Lord access into his dreams. It was pathetic. Severus wanted to do more and punish him for Lilly no longer being there. He knew he was blaming the wrong person, but Harry was accessible.

"You will never get it will you, Potter? This is not a game any more. If you get in my way, there will be consequences, mark my words. Now get out!" Harry didn't look at him, he fled the room without looking back.

End of Chapter 4.


	5. Chapter 5

A Drop in the Bucket Chapter 5

By Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Author's comments: Thanks to those people who commented! I am so excited to have people reading my story! Thanks, and please keep reviewing! I'm taking a few things from the books, like one scene here, and twisting them around a bit. But hey, that's what makes fanfics fun in my opinion. When you spot something familiar it's like a jolt if u put it together, for me anyway. Well I hope you enjoy it.

Severus was a wonderful actor, and even managed to fool himself at times. He had taken on several unlikely roles in his lifetime, many of which had not suited his personality at all. Those times he had been the most convincing to those around himself, including the Dark Lord. It was his longest stretching most vital role because his life had depended on it. In time he had become the exact opposite of his role, and wanted to forget about destruction and murder. Being a Death Eater had its perks, but it did not make one immune to the Dark Lord. In fact the close proximity to him, often hastened one to their death.

Now he was back, and school resumed again after Sirius Black's pitiful death at the Ministry of Magic. Yet Severus' satisfaction was tainted by his feelings of regret. An enemy and a loathsome person to him, Sirius was, but Severus was sick of these battles. It seemed to saturate his very being, and celebrating the death of his enemy was the last thing he truly wanted to do. All he was focused on now was stopping the Dark Lord at all costs. After Dumbledore's return, he had explained how Harry had made the mistake, interpreting his dreams as reality and acting upon them. Severus sighed in exasperation at the boy's foolishness after all he had been taught. The only productive thing that came out of it was that the ministry had to own up to the truth that the Dark Lord was back.

The entire wizarding world was in a state of shock at the news of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named returning to power. Now they could no longer place blame on the innocent and the outspoken. All politics aside, nobody really wanted to believe that they were once again in mortal peril, where at any moment the dark mark might appear above their houses. It was too much stress for one person to deal with, but Severus kept up appearances of being unaffected. Yet anyone who had ever been directly involved with the Dark Lord for any period would be even more affected than those who had not.

Severus was having trouble sleeping, but when he did sleep he was plagued with nightmares. He kept himself busy with his work, trying not to linger on his part time obsession with his reoccurring dreams of Lilly. He found that if he exhausted himself with work and short bouts of exercise he could sleep deeply through the night. However he seemed unable to avoid the dreams. Continuously Lilly would come to him, sometimes begging him to help Harry, and other times walking ahead of him, just out of his reach. Emotionally he was at his limit. School was almost out for the summer, and Severus was relieved to know that the students would be leaving soon. He needed a break from their petty squabbling and talk of attacks and disappearances.

Severus went from class to class like a zombie, then moved on to dinner later than usual. The students were already halfway through and getting second helpings. Dumbledore seemed concerned over him, and was also commenting on Harry's appearance. He pointed out that Harry was pale and sickly looking. Severus glanced over at the Griffindor table, to find that it was true. The boy sat staring blankly at his plate that was full of untouched food. Around him his friends talked, trying to catch his attention. He shrugged and then glanced up at the head table. For a moment their eyes met, and then Harry glared briefly at him before turning away.

After leaving the Great Hall, having eaten very little, Severus noticed Professor Trelawny passing his door as he closed it. Her voice seemed to echo in his hall, and he heard her speaking clearly to herself as she shuffled through her Tarot Cards.

"…the Devil: sexual attraction and desire…a man who is hard to resist, yet must fight his restrained nature... someone who switches sides... Hmm, must be a mistake. The lovers... ?" Trelawny continued past his door and Severus backed slowly away from it. He could be wrong, but was she referring to him? The words struck him immediately, and he began to laugh into his empty room. A moment later he was appalled. Loneliness had always dogged his steps, but he had never been "restrained" to the point self denial. He'd had a few relationships that had been short lived after Lilly had married James. Now she was gone, and he had no need to dabble around in romance. It was a messy business, worse than any potion he might concoct.

Despite his fervent effort to put these words behind him, Severus could not stop wondering what it meant. Was that really the way things were? He'd never noticed. Professor Trelawny had made but one real prophecy in her life that he knew of, regarding the Dark Lord of course. Did that make her accurate at fortune telling? He was not satisfied by her random mutterings, and did not really think it had any basis. Yet, it rang with a certain truth that left him dismayed. He did admit that his dreams were pretty limited as of late, and he was focused a bit much on Harry and Lilly Potter.

Anger slowly dawned in his head, pulsing through his veigns and burning his heart. He was seething with a strong yet alien emotion, that would not disipate. Finally he stalked out of his chambers and into the hall, heading toward an exit that he knew most people would have no awareness of. The tunnel behind the statue of a witch. He would use it to get out of the school for a while, and get some much needed fresh air.

End of Chapter 5.


	6. Chapter 6

A Drop in the Bucket Chapter 6

by Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Author's comments: I have gotten a lot of great, constructive criticism about my story. Thanks so much for the advice! Don't expect a lot of craziness in it though. I hate pwp stories. Also this is my first multi chapter, non-anime fic. So you might notice some of the influence that anime and manga have had on my sense of timing and relationship development. Or not! Well, enjoy…

Severus stepped from the secret path out of the school soundlessly as a cat. The night was moist but the breeze had a balmy warmth that made it more enjoyable to his senses. He was lost in the moonlight that loomed, heavy and pale in the star filled sky. It seemed like forever since Severus had last relaxed, and meandered about the peaceful Hogwarts landscape, carefully walking the edge of the enchanted forest. He ignored the strange sounds just beyond the first layer of trees, where shuffles came from creatures much large than himself. It did not bother him, but he kept his ears and eyes peeled just in case. He came across a large open field just behind the school, on the peak of one hill, and littered across it were beautiful light violet flowers. They were belladonna lilies, glowing dimly in the moonlight. Severus had no notion of what type of flower they were, nor did he care. With on sweeping gesture with his wand he collected twenty of the small flowers, and carried them about fifty paces ahead before placing one gently on the ground. The rest he flung into the air, and in the light of the moon spelled out _her _name, using the stems and leaves to fill it in. Finally he let it go, dropping them with a whip of his wand that tore most of them in pieces. The last flower he had saved was carefully collected and brought back with him as he made his way back into the school. He never noticed the soft crunch of footsteps just behind him, following his progress back to the school.

In his room, Severus placed the flower in a glass cup full of water, and decided to always keep one there by the window. For some reason it made him more content. He was not particularly romantic, more like sentimental. It was important for him to keep a hold of the things he felt were meaningful, in order to give himself a sense of purpose. He hoped it would survive more than a few days. The castle was dark, and many degrees colder than the outside air, but his room got a lot of sun.

As he leaned over his dresser to place the glass on it, he glanced into his mirror and saw an odd movement that appeared, like a ripple of water on thin air. He took his wand and pointed it back subtly, using the jinx _Flipendo_ without a word. There was a cry of shock and a crash, and a boy's head appeared, his face full of surprise at being knocked against the wall. Winded, he hunched over and rubbed his side where he had landed.

"What are you doing in my room, Potter?" Severus asked, tempted to use another more serious spell, but holding back because he knew Dumbledore wouldn't be happy.

"Just following you," Harry said sharply, his voice rising defensively. He pushed off the invisibility cloak, and shoved it into the schoolbag that he still wore around his shoulder. It was only nine o'clock, Severus saw, and wondered just how long Harry had been behind him. He looked the boy in the eyes, trying to extract the memory from his mind, where he might get an honest answer. Occlumency was something that Severus had taken on easily, finding it a simple task and an exciting part of the dark arts. Now he found it useful in extracting the answers he wanted. Harry winced as he felt what the man was doing, looking away from him and trying to block him out unsuccessfully.

"Ah, so you followed me outside. Did you get what you came for?" Severus asked, curious as to how much the boy had seen.

"You know my mum," Harry finally pointed out, standing up to face Severus fully. He looked like he was preparing for a fight, but Severus was determined not to be baited. Harry must think he was very sneaky, following him. It seemed like something he would do though, so he was not that surprised.

"I don't know what you mean. There are many people with that name…" Severus coldly dared Harry to argue that point, smiling at the boy. It was funny to see him struggle to find any proof or connection to his mother. Of course Severus had not even denied it, simply stating a truth that had nothing to do with him.

"You _kissed_ me!" Harry finally yelled, his eyes had gone wild and his face was flushed dangerously. He looked so lost in that moment, that Severus almost felt bad. He had not realized that his kiss had made such an impact.

"You provoked me, as you are doing now. So I would suggest you calm yourself if you want to get answers to your questions. Otherwise feel free to put your cloak on and get out of my room," Severus took a breath, trying to collect his thoughts, which had scattered to the winds.

"I just wanted an honest answer, but you don't seem capable of it." Harry shook his head, as if beyond frustration. Finally he relaxed slightly, staring up at Severus with wide, desperate eyes. "I just want to know if you knew my mum."

"Maybe I did, a long time ago, but even so what difference does it make to you?" Severus asked quietly, putting his irritation aside for the moment.

"Did you love her?" Harry asked, moving into the room as though he had already become accustomed to it. He turned away because he knew the answer. "So you kissed me because I remind you of her?"

Severus' jaw fell open slightly, not prepared to go in that direction. He blinked blandly at the boy who was staring at him impatiently for an answer. When none came, Harry sighed.

"Is that why you hated my father?" He asked spitefully, giving Severus a glare that was a worthy opponent of his own.

"Don't act so self righteous, Potter. Your father only cared about himself, and I knew him for what he really was: a thief and a bully, just like Sirius. You remind me of him in that respect. Your mother was fooled by them, but it has nothing to do with me." Snape spoke softly, holding back his rage through bared teeth.

"Don't talk about Sirius like that!" Harry was breathing hard, his eyes glassy and wide. "My mother loved my father. She would never love a snake like you."

The truth of those words were like a spike through his heart. He didn't respond to confirm or deny it, but watched Harry who was going through some sort of inner turmoil. Finally the boy moved to the door as though he couldn't wait to leave. He paused and glanced back once at Severus, his glasses gleaming against the light of his room masking his expression. Without another word he left, shutting the door softly behind him.

Review please! Thanks, Cheza .


	7. Chapter 7

A Drop in the Bucket Chapter 7

By Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Authors comment: Hello readers, how's it going? I have gotten a comment about my fic saying that the chapters are short. I understand how you feel; I do love long fics where the chapters seem to go on forever. Unfortunately, I can't promise anything like that but when it comes natural to write a long chapter I will do so. So here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy it!

The night was dark and damp, and Severus felt the uncomfortable trail of cold rain down his hair to his back. Summer was in full swing, and the rain was not too unpleasant on his skin. The odd emptiness he felt from leaving Hogwarts for the summer was back stronger than ever, and he could not find any reason for it. In any case he wasn't bored: he had just made an Unbreakable Vow to help Draco Malfoy kill Dumbledore. At that moment Severus had realized the full extent of Dumbledore's commitment to the Order of Phoenix, and that more than anyone else he was determined to bring down the Dark Lord. Anger permeated Severus' entire being, and he allowed it to overpower him until he could feel nothing else. Finally he was not able to sit still any longer. His "guest" Wormtail was carefully tucked away in Severus' house at Spinner's End, knocked out thanks to a subtle sleeping drought that was almost untraceable. He needed to get away that night, just for a little while, away from the madness in his life.

His felt more alone than he had ever felt, knowing what was coming and unable to do anything to stop it. There was so much he had to answer for but nobody to talk to about it. In his heart he did not know what would happen exactly, and knew that Draco would definitely be under a lot of pressure as well, what with his parents being held hostage by the Dark Lord. Severus could only be grateful that his mother was safely in her grave, and out of the reach of the Dark Lord. If he had to sacrifice one more person that he loved, his part in this would be very short lived indeed. If he thought he was at his breaking point before, he realized that it could get much worse still.

He walked carelessly and aimlessly, alone and miserable in the hot summer rain. Recently the sun was setting later, and all the night creatures were out in chorus together, happily singing. He wanted to torture and kill every frog and owl, because they were so loud he could not think. There was no room in his head for logical thought, and all he could hear was a loud buzzing that seemed to originate inside his mind and echo back to him. The street he ended up on seemed like the right one, and he continued down it without second thought. His favorite season used to be summer, starting when he had first met the girl of his dreams, and also when he found out he was going to Hogwarts. Summer was when he had escaped the Dark Lord, and gotten sanctuary from Dumbledore, as well.

Summer had represented many things to him once upon a time, but now it reminded him of things he had lost. His dreams had been crushed and his regrets lingered on, especially now that in the summer he was most often alone. Severus paused lethargically as if waking from a dream and recognized the street he was now on. Privet Drive was not a particularly beautiful road, but it was very tidy and well kept by its residents. Severus lived near enough to get there easily if he wanted to, but if had not consciously crossed his mind to come. When he was a boy he had often played with Lilly who had lived in a house not far from there, in the small muggle neighborhood where Severus resided. Today her old house was owned by different muggles, but Petunia had obviously chosen to live near her childhood home among the most plain-looking houses he had ever seen.

A figure was walking down the road across the street, a waterproof muggle windbreaker keeping him dry for the most part. Severus got a shock when he recognized Harry walking quickly on the opposite side. He looked quite eager to get out of the rain and was just at the front door of number four, when he turned as if by chance and saw the silhouette of the potions teacher leaning against one of the lampposts across the street. He seemed to be uncertain for a moment, his body swaying as if unsure which direction to go, his expression hidden beneath a shadow. When Harry turned and jogged across the street after glancing both ways for oncoming cars, Severus was not really affected. The odd part was that his mind seemed to been completely stripped of all emotion.

Harry's face was full of questions when he approached, but when he saw Severus' he remained silent, restrained curiosity in his eyes. There was something else like concern there too, but Severus couldn't bring himself to care much. He just met Harry's stare for a moment, and then shivered, as though he couldn't hold it back any longer. In another moment he might feel foolish, but right then he was so cold that he couldn't care what he was doing, he just wanted to get out of the rain.

"Apparate into my room." Harry said simply pointing to the first window on the second floor, and then turned and jogged back to the house.

Severus didn't have a chance to respond, thinking it odd that he should be getting orders from this boy after taking them from the Dark Lord and Dumbledore. It was a strange day. He felt the urge to laugh, but instead found himself doing exactly what Harry said, apparating behind a bush out of view. The next moment he was in Harry's small room, which was very messy and poorly cared for. He stood on the tattered rug, and listened to the rain water drip from his nose onto the carpet with a continuous tapping.

A voice somewhere below him was shouting, and Severus presumed that it was the muggle husband of Petunia from Harry's memories. Harry's voice responded more quietly and reserved, with no sign of argument. There was a strange silence as though more of a fight had been expected, but not received. Harry entered the room, ignoring Severus' presence and heading to his closet. Then after rummaging around he produced a large blue towel, which looked old but clean. He approached Severus and handed it to him silently, watching him dry off his hair slowly.

End of Chapter 7.


	8. Chapter 8

A Drop in the Bucket Chapter 8

by Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Author's Comment: This chapter has been edited and added to. Please review!

Harry didn't speak at all, which was what Severus found most weird about being in the boy's room. He had expected questions at the least, but would have preferred an argument. He was disappointed in that respect, but somehow felt comfortable. It was as though Harry had made a small hovel for himself, reflecting his home at Hogwarts and the happiness that he felt there. There was a photo of his parents which Severus carefully overlooked, a poster of Quidditch, and newspapers littered around the room. Severus had not so much as glanced at the Daily Prophet in months because he had been distracted with good reason. He had no interest in it now except that he recognized it.

Everything in the room was so old and dirty it was appalling, and he noticed that Harry's clothes were swimming on him as though bought for somebody much larger. His jacket had a hole on the shoulder that Severus had not noticed outside. Severus approached Harry and put his hand to the hole, then paused wondering what he was doing. The boy appeared unfazed. He looked down at the spot on his coat at the rip and smiled up at Severus as if they had shared a private joke. It was the first time Severus had ever seen Harry smile, and his eyes widened, trying to put something together.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked his eyes clear and at ease even with his potions professor standing in his muggle bed room. Severus wanted to yell at him that it was strange, and what were they doing anyway?

"It's none of your business," Severus snapped, beginning to shiver again.

"That's more like it," Harry responded easily. "Why don't you dry yourself off..."

"Shutup, Potter, I don't take orders from you!" He moved the towel to his wet hair, even as he spoke, trying to soak up the cold water that dripped from it.

"I know." Harry's head was tilted slightly, and he took a step forward slightly. He was watching Severus intently, his eyes slightly hooded.

"You-"

Harry leaned forward, and closing the distance between them, put one hand behind Severus' head to pull it down to meet his lips. It was a shallow kiss that was more tentative than exploratory. Harry's warm, dry lips were gentle and inexperienced despite his bravado. Severus felt his mouth tingling from the touch, but was too stunned to respond. Harry's hand behind his head was firm, and released him after what felt like forever. It was a different experience than the other kiss they had shared, and Harry tasted sweet like he had been eating candy. The older man touched his lips, glaring at Harry, finally turned away from him to leave. He felt childish but wanted to get away. This was not what he had come for, but now he was confused. Why did he follow when he knew that he should not have? He could have been leading the Death Eaters right to Harry.

He did not turn back before leaving, and Harry didn't stop him.

Back at his house he decided that he needed a hot bath in order to get the chill out of his bones. Severus could not shake the feelings of the kiss from his mouth, and the look Harry had given him, almost as if he knew something. It made Severus feel so angry to be toyed with, by someone who was decades his junior who had never given him an ounce of respect since they had met. He shed his wet clothes, trying not to mull over what had just happened.

Thanks for reading, and please be patient for the rest. ciao!


	9. Chapter 9

A Drop in the Bucket Chapter 9

By Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Author's Comments: Work is interfering with my Harry Potter time. If you like it let me know what you like! Don't be sneaky and add my fic without reviewing! I know each and every one of you ghost readers!

The beginning of the school year was upon them and Severus was prepared to enjoy it this year. Nothing was going to stop him, not even the Dark Lord. All of his heavy thoughts, dreams, and plans were pushed out of his mind until further notice, because he was fed up with misery and the company it brought. He was in a good mood when he entered his room at Hogwarts for the new semester, cleaning it up and organizing his books and schedule. Nobody knew how long he worked to get the job as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and he finally had it this year. He was going to teach the subject as it was meant to be taught, by a professional who had been down the rabbit whole and back again, who had seen what the real thing was… and then some.

All of the students arrived on the train and were settled into their seats in the Great Hall, but Severus discovered Harry's absence immediately. He met Harry and Tonks at the gate after receiving the note meant for Hagrid. Giving the pale woman a hard time about her patronus looking like a certain werewolf, pleased Severus. Not because he hated Tonks, but mostly to see the anger on Harry's face. Besides the scowl he sent Severus, his face was pale and a bit sickly looking. It didn't stop him from picking at Harry all the way up to the palace and into the Great Hall. The boy's face was blank, but pinched with the effort it took him to hold back whatever he wanted to say.

Severus knew Harry thought that after what had happened maybe they could be a bit friendlier to each other, but he knew better. Keeping Harry at a distance was parcel and par with Dumbledore's plans, simultaneously protecting Draco and Harry- from eachother and the Dark Lord. The fact that Harry had wormed himself into things that were better avoided was a moot point. Such was the young man's nature, and he was always trying to play the hero with everyone. Even before he knew about the legacy or anything about the Dark Lord in his first year, he and his friends went looking for danger or adventure.

With a sneer, Severus left Harry, who ignored him to stalk into the hall in his muggle clothing. It seemed that he was not worried about the attention that he got, good or bad. His peer's dislike could surround him completely, but Harry would always walk confidently past it without the slightest interest. That was one factor where he and James differed, because James had needed that approval from whatever audience was nearby. Severus proceeded up the side aisle past the Slytherin table and up to the faculty table to sit beside Dumbledore.

The first few days of school went by like a breeze, as everyone got adjusted to being back. Severus watched the headmaster carefully when he was there, for the after affects of the ring that he had taken. He wore it openly, on his good hand, and continued to go out at night undeterred to search for more of the Horcruxes. Many students were curious about Dumbledore's whereabouts, and even some of the oblivious teachers were asking about him.

Severus taught the Dark Arts as he had lived them. Because he had mastered the basics easily in school, he was amazed at the lack of ability that was abound in the students. Even Potter was struggling to do some of the things that Severus expected him to have an easy time with. It gave him an excuse to point out his faults, and the boy seemed to become more cheeky and rebelious in his class. The boy was proud, and didn't take attacks lightly, especially Dark Art attacks, and most especially from Severus. It was like toying with a dangerous animal, he knew he should not, but couldn't help it. Harry took advantage of those times to fight with him and Severus didn't hesitate to give him detention. He anticipated that the time alone together was going to be very awkward. He was anticipating it, and with a cruel humor began planning out his punishment.

Severus spent his time balancing his meetings with the Order and Dumbledore, and his more stealthy and dangerous time with the Death Eaters. The strain of his double life was only natural and he was not one to take it sitting down. He threw himself into his plans and studies, trying to think of every possibility that could happen with Draco, who was keeping silent about what he was doing. What would his role be and how could he make sure to keep his cover from Malfoy, Bellatrix and most of all the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord was obsessed with stopping Dumbledore. Once the Dark Lord succeeded at that then he would focus on Harry. It was Severus' job to find out what Draco and the Dark Lord were going to do, and report it to the Order. His acting skills were essential but mainly he needed to focus his entire being on his mission.

Dumbledore had secured his complete dedication when he took him in despite all that Severus had done. At that moment he had gained a confidant, a mentor, and most importantly the father he had always wanted. It was a sad thing now, to be in such a position. It was poetic irony, he supposed. Brooding on it was not going to get him anywhere, yet he couldn't deny that deep down he was very worried.

After the first week of classes was finally over, when most of the students were in bed, Severus encountered a very annoying, but not unexpected pest waiting for him. After a week of worrying, he didn't have much energy left.

"Go to your tower where you belong, Potter." Severus snapped. Abruptly he remembered a rainy night, and green eyes closing, and a sweet kiss.

The Griffindor student lounged in front of his door, his tie loosened crookedly, and the top button of his shirt unbuttoned. He held a book open in one hand, and a piece of a chocolate frog in the other. He was a mess, especially his hair which seemed to stand on end in some spots. Severus watched impatiently as he collected his things and moved slightly aside to let Severus by.

"Can I talk to you," Harry said cautiously, his eyes focused and determined with the air of someone who was about to be very intrusive. It was not a question.

Severus opened his door and stepped into his room without responding. Harry took that as a yes, and followed him into the room. With a thud he dropped his bag on the floor, shut the door and invited himself to sit on Severus' bed. The man halted just inside the door, refusing to go any further into the room.

"What is it?" Severus crossed his arms impatiently.

"I wanted to ask you if you knew where Dumbledore goes at night. Why is he always leaving?" Harry leaned back, making himself at home on Severus' bed. He was looking around the room carefully, as if memorizing it. He lingered on the lilly that was carefully placed by the window.

"That's none of your concern Potter. You of all people should know that some things are better off left as secrets." Severus followed his gaze around the room, jumping from Harry to whatever object he was staring at and back again. Harry's eyes caught his when he turned his head back suddenly, and his mind was full of thoughts that Severus didn't want to look into.

"I don't have any secrets from you," Harry said, the color of his eyes seemed to get darker, cloudier. His expression was distant. "You know everything about me."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Severus asked him. "You said that I was a snake, so why would you expect me to tell you?"

"I think I deserve to know about what is going on with Voldemort, since it has to do with me," Harry argued.

"_Don't_ say that name!" Severus yelled. Harry turned his head away as if dismissing it, rolling his eyes. Severus could not believe his gall.

"You know where Dumbledore is right?" Harry demanded.

"Even if I did, I would not tell you," Severus retorted with a shrug. There was no need to tell Harry who would only fly off the handle and act on his own, causing more problems and getting people killed.

"I'm going to find out one way or another, whether you tell me or I use my own means of finding out. Either way, don't worry about it. Sorry to bother you," Harry rose from the bed slowly, and moved as if to straighten his already disheveled clothes. He was being carefully nonchalant about it, and behind his eyes was a certain amount of calculated mischief. It made Severus pause and eye Harry suspisciously.

"You had better not do anything foolish." Severus said, the threat clear in his voice.

"Don't worry, I'm sure it won't affect you in any way since you aren't telling me anything. I'll just go back to my room and get some homework done..." Harry smirked, his eyes playful. Severus tried to see beyond them to his thoughts, but there was no clear plan in Harry's mind. There was just many possibilties that Harry might happen to act upon.

"I'll be watching you Potter," Severus warned him.

"I'm counting on it. Goodnight," Harry walked out slowly, resuming eating his candy which reminded Severus that he was still very young.

"You better be at your detention tomorrow, Potter." Severus scolded. Harry waved once over his head without pausing to look back. Severus closed the door firmly behind him.


	10. Chapter 10

A Drop in the Bucket

By Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Author's notes: In case you're curious, I got the title to my fic from a movie called 'Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil". I thought it was appropriate. The entire quote is actually "A drop in the bucket, mother fuck it." It's a good movie. Enjoy.

**Warning:** This part is not for the faint of heart.

Everything seemed to be happening so quickly all of a sudden that Severus hardly had time to rest. Dumbledore was keeping Harry close to him and Severus was hovering over Draco like a stalker, constantly looking for the blond head in his classes, at meals, and in the hallways. The boy was painfully shallow, and scared out of his wits. It seemed that the constant shadowing of Draco Malfoy was a full time job. Even when things went wrong, such as the cursed necklace, and the poison that Ron Weasley drank, Severus tried to convince Draco while Dumbledore played oblivious.

Spending so much time tailing Draco, he had begun to notice that he and Harry were as different as the moon and the sun. Draco was not inclined for trouble, because of his upbringing, and was slightly snobbish. He was more sensitive, and much more sheltered. In an odd way he was more like Harry's father than Harry was, but he didn't like to linger on that interesting fact. In the mean time Severus tried to gain his trust by his vow and his mother's recommendation. Even with all of his skills in persuasion, the pressure from the Dark Lord was more than enough to make Draco distance himself from everyone, especially Severus.

Hardly paying attention to the school Quidditch matches or even his meals anymore, and making his lesson plans up at the last possible minute, Severus dedicated his time to his more important work as a double agent of the Dark Lord and Dumbledore. The effort he and Dumbledore had put into protecting their students was almost shattered when Potter took it upon himself to use a dark spell on Draco. Telling Dumbledore that Harry had somehow managed to find his old potions book and was using his spells had been a very trying task indeed. Dumbledore was fit to be tied, since not all of the people that he was protecting seemed to want him to succeed at his task. Severus was ashamed to be partly responsible in this case. Afterwards Harry had looked so horrified that it was hard to imagine him using the spell purposely if he had known its purpose. Detention again given out, and sadly Severus had given Harry enough time to hide the book and was probably never going to see it again. He was mad that his own hard work was being used to make Harry even more of a famous troublemaker than he already was. The entire school knew the story before the day was out.

Harry pouted about his detentions even though he knew he deserved them. Having to do it every Saturday until the end of the year was part of the punishment, which was precisely what Severus had in mind. The boy would do well to learn his lesson about stealing other people's work, and in the meanwhile Harry was sitting at the table trying to watch the Quidditch match in the distance when Severus wasn't looking, but failing miserably. The scratching of his quill gave him away every time. Finally, long past lunch hour he was allowed to go. He scowled at Severus one last time before turning to leave.

When Harry turned back slightly Severus glanced up and noticed that the angle seemed to emphasize the fact that he was thinner. On closer examination his eyes were lined with bags that made him look as exhausted as Severus felt. Also he had a strangely hurt look that had nothing to do with the detentions at all. Without a word he came up behind Severus who sat at his desk and embraced him gently around the neck, his head resting on the older man's right shoulder.

"Do you like him more than me?" Harry asked, pushing his face into the crook of Severus' neck and tickling him with his spiky hair.

"Are you jealous?" Severus let the words slip by without thinking. He couldn't see Harry's reaction in his face, but felt his arms tighten around him.

"You are so cold." Harry nuzzled his neck.

"He's just a student, nothing more." Severus said, feeling flatfooted and unbalanced.

"Like me?" Harry began to play with Severus' ear, warming up the lobe with his fingers.

"You're being ridiculous. As if I would ever like you-"

He was cut off by Harry, who had moved around to kiss him squarely on the mouth, opening it wide and pushing his tongue in roughly. Severus tensed and grabbed the boy's shoulders, trying to decide whether to push him off or keep on going. His indecision left him in limbo as Harry pushed forward, put his arms around Severus and leaned over him, kissing him deeply with both hands on the older man's face. Severus felt the gentleness in the gesture, and his eyes flew open and watched Harry's face from close up. Their eyes met and a shiver went through Severus who could not hold it back. His eyes, Lilly's same color- it was still his favorite color eyes.

Harry kneeled down infront of him and slipped a hand between Severus' knees gently, as though testing the water. Severus watched in mingled horror and fascination. He was being played by this boy who had almost no experience, and allowing it to happen. His muscles tightened and he thought that he should stop Harry, who distracted him by pulling his face down for another kiss. He carefully unbuttoned Severus' pants meanwhile, and groped him gently with one hand. Severus gasped into Harry's mouth, his entire body tingling with the sensations that had everything to do with what that hand was doing to him. He moaned softly, thrusting forward into Harry who pressed back and continued to kiss him with more force. Then his lips were gone and Severus glanced down to see him lean over and place Severus' hard erection into his mouth. He was engulfed in warm, wet pleasure, and the suction that went with it. With a cry of pleasure he got harder and harder until the feeling got too strong. He wanted more, and didn't care if his movements hurt Harry. After several minutes of this he came with a shout which he tried to stifle.

Panting hard he wiped his mouth, where some spit had dripped down his lips to his chin. He pushed back to realize that Harry had swallowed it, and seemed to be licking his lips and tasting them. The color on his cheeks told Severus that he was not as shameless as he acted.

"You stupid child. Don't think this changes anything." Severus said between catching breaths. He rearranged himself, and stood up, checking the door and windows like a criminal for witnesses. It was hard to meet Harry's eyes and hold them, because Harry had already proven that he suspected something about him. There were many complications that the boy could not know. Also the fact that Harry was underaged, inexperienced, and his parent's son were at the forefront of his mind now, as if he'd just realized. There was a natural animosity between them that could not be taken away. All of this he thought of now, after the fact.

It was too late.

Harry did not seem to be paying attention at all or even to be aware that Severus was there any more. He leaned his head on the chair for a while, rubbing his forehead back and forth. Anxious, the potions professor paced, his hands wringing slightly. Dumbledore would crucify him for sure if this got out, and things always found their way to the headmaster. Not that he would not be forgiven, but that moment where his blue eyes would show disapoinment was what Severus feared.

Harry glanced up at him, his eyes clear and fearless. There was a certain amount of understanding there, that was unexpected to say the least. Severus met that look trying to understand where it came from. How could an orphen be so strong? His mother was never that independent. Neither of his parents had been like this boy. It was amazing somehow and sad, that this strength came out of a life as challenging as his had been. Even Severus could not understand how alone Harry had always been, and that maybe he was his own foundation. People like that were the ones who sought out others the most, but would be able to survive on their own when it came down to it.

Something in Severus' eyes must have changed because Harry stood up grabbed his hand up before Severus could protest. He kissed the top of the hand in a cheesy fashion, and Severus snatched it away as if he'd been burned.

"I wish you could see your face! Priceless!" Harry guffawed loudly, his tall frame leaning forward in a comical fashion as he clutched his stomach.

"You are ridiculous," said Severus icily.

"You're- face!" Harry continued laughing by himself and the older man turned to his desk to collect his books.

"Go do something useful, like study."

"What? Where are you going?" Harry stopped laughing, now dead serious.

"I have a lot on my mind Potter, unlike you. I have work to do," Severus snapped giving him a meaningful glance.

"I know... be careful." Harry advised. As if he needed any advice from anyone, much less a 16 year old child. "Please."

"Hmph," Severus' black cloak whipped the air as he stalked out of the room. He was not going to let this get any further if he had any say in it. Hopefully his body would listen to his mind this time. Otherwise he would be in for a lot more trouble than he bargained for.


	11. Chapter 11

A Drop in the Bucket Chapter 11

by Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Author's comments: Here's the next part!

**Warning: This part is not for the faint of heart. **

Draco was insistant that he had almost succeeded in his task, or at least part of it. Severus seemed to give in to the likelihood that he would not find out what his plan was until it was much too late. Grimly, he and Dumbledore agreed to focus on other things, mainly Harry. Dumbledore had been preparing to take Harry out in order to find the second horcrux, which made Severus extremely nervous. He warned the other wizard that Harry was reckless and much too young to go on such a dangerous mission. Dumbledore gave him a loaded look, his eyes piercing and calm, as if to say 'he's old enough for a lot of things'. Severus had the sense to be quiet and retreated with the awareness that perhaps he had not gotten away with anything.

The other day was still playing over in his mind like a bad dream. Luckily, Severus had the discipline to control his reactions to Harry's presence in his classroom. Most of the time he wanted to hit the boy for trying to seduce and manipulate him but other times he wanted to know why it was happening. They had no emotional attachment to each other except through their mutual respect for Dumbledore. It was baffling to Severus because his previous trysts were short and to the point with very little fanfare. Harry firted with him at times, when they bumped into eachother, or watched him discretely with an intense look. It was making his mornings very trying because he could not yell at him just for smiling at him in front of two dozen other students. He was relieved when class was over and he could get lost in a sea of students.

In the hallway Severus kept his eyes forward, stalking through the rushing students who would move aside like water to let him pass. Most of them wanted to avoid him at all costs because of his angry gate and irritable expression. Others had experienced his brand of a verbal lashing and were not willing to risk it again. It was almost time for lunch and they were all shuffling along to go to their respective classes. He noticed a familiar messy head of black hair and hesitated, hoping to avoid a confrontation during the day. A smaller figure approached and Severus watched from the distance as the cute, red-haired Ginny Weasely hugged Harry and kissed him on the mouth without hesitation. Severus abruptly turned back the way he had come, determined not to be within sight when they came up for air. He was very interested in getting to lunch suddenly. When he entered the Great hall it was half full, many students coming in and leaving with fast steps, in a rush to get to and from class. The food was already on the faculty table as Severus sat down, glancing around the room to monitor the students.

"Good afternoon, Minnerva, Severus, how is lunch today?" Dumbledore approached from the right end of the table. He had missed breakfast this morning, and apparently had just returned from his excursions the night before.

Severus noticed that he had not taken a single bite of food, and hastily grabbed up a loaf of bread and some margarin. He chewed slowly, in a daze allowing the conversation to move on around them. Hagrid was sopping up oatmeal sloppily as though he did not have time to taste it. The table shook as he stood and rushed out of the hall, knocking over some fourth year students who accidently stood at the wrong moment as he passed. Hastily he helped them up, then almost ran out of the hall in a mad rush toward the front of the castle and the forest. Severus sighed wearily, wondering if Hagrid could be any more obvious about what he was up to.

Food was not something that Severus usually bothered himself over, and he often forgot to eat if he was particularly busy. Today he ended up eating a few bites of bread and some orange jello that Dumbledore offered him cheerfully. He disliked sweet things, but ate it reflexively out of polite habit. After lunch he left the Great Hall and returned to his room. The last class of the day was his first year Dark Arts Class, so he had no difficulty getting through it with ease. They were easy to handle but had little experience, so it was slightly boring for him. There was no challenge there, but he was able to teach them without any smart remarks unlike some of his other classes.

What he was not focused on was Harry, and his apparent girlfriend, who probably did not know that her boyfriend was very good at pleasuring men. He was not thinking about how he thought that Harry actually had wanted him. Also he was firmly disregarding the way the boy was always looking at him, as if he was in love or something. He had told Harry that what they had done hadn't meant anything, and now he realized that Harry had taken it seriously. It was almost impossible for him to put the pieces together now, because Harry was turning things inside out and upside down with his behavior. Logically, Severus thought that it was good, and now he could do what he had to do with no further distractions. He agreed with himself there, and tried to make up his mind about it for good. Without warning a warm body bumped into him and he glanced up.

"Professor? May I ask you a question?" It was the most polite Harry had ever been to him and Severus sneered at it. He completely ignored the boy, but was followed all the way from his class room to his personal room. He felt like the pied piper, except that he wished he was not be followed by this child. The boy was red in the face and breathing hard as if he had been running. He didn't give up but followed Severus to the bathroom that was faculty only, which the boy could not get into if he tried. Harry caught his arm before the man could enter the room, and Severus turned back.

"I can't go in there..." Harry said his head down at an angle and his eyes shadowed in the corridor.

"Let go, Potter," Severus jerked his arm away from the boy.

"Can I meet you later?" Harry asked, his eyes pleading with him.

"If you want to discuss your current grade in my class I suggest you talk to me in my classroom," He said snidely, without any sign of acknowledging his request. Severus entered the bathroom with a swish of fabric and leaned over the sink, glaring at himsef in the mirror. He was getting too old to be on an emotional rollercoaster with a boy who had the emotional capacity of a flee.

Severus pushed his hair back and examined his face, with his pale skin and dark eyes, lined with small wrinkles that were forming, and very fine eyebrows. They were probably his best feature, but didn't hide his hooked nose and hawk-like stare. He looked like his mother he knew, with her same bone structure and a lot of her personality as well. It was not a face to admire and nothing so adorable as a girl's face. He couldn't admit it to Harry but he had grown slightly accustomed to the boy's strange attention, and had almost felt something for him back. Maybe it was all just a game and he was on the losing end. But no, he didn't think Harry planned ahead, it was too wise a move for such a fickle person. Severus moved away from the mirror and slowly made his way to the door, a little worried that the boy would be outside it, poised to attack him. But no, there was nobody, and Severus made it to his room. Without meaning to he skipped dinner, distracted and anxious about what was going to happen.

It was late, long after midnight, when somebody carefully opened his door, which had been locked carefully from inside. The room was pitch black, and the dim light of the hall showed the outline of Harry who shut the door gently behind him.

"Incendio!" Severus spoke with a ringing command, lighting several candles with a fluttering spark of fire that jumped to and fro before sticking to the last candle. He had been falling asleep when the creaking of the door had brought him completely conscious. He was a ball of nerves already and didn't appreciate the breaking and entering of his room. He wondered how Harry had gotten in, and heard a shuffle of something being pocketed. A skeleton key of some sort?

He sat up in bed, squinting toward the door where Harry hid in shadow. The only sign of his presence was his sharp intake of breath and then he stepped forward into the light.

"I just wanted... I mean I..." Harry seemed to be tongue tied and Severus threw back his covers.

"Do you realize the time?" Even as he spoke Severus stood and took off his bed robe, grabbed up his clothes from earlier that day and put them over his pajamas.

"Well, yeah." Harry's voice was rushed and he sounded out of breath despite his stillness.

"...let's go then." Severus resigned himself that he was going to do this now, and might as well get it done with.

"Where?" Harry asked, disapointment in his voice.

"It's a surprise." Severus said softly, leading the way out of his room and toward the secret passage he had previously used to get out of the school when Harry followed him. "I'm sure you are familiar with this exit."

Harry's face was wiped clean. He was always up to something but would never admit it no matter what, and now was no different. Who had told him of these things he was not sure, but was not going to give up trying to find out.

Once outside the school gates, Severus grabbed Harry without warning and apparated. The boy's voice broke as he shouted once in surprise and then they landed, Severus stood cooly staring at Harry who had stumbled and fallen on the ground.

"Get up," he led the way silently past a small forest of mangled trees and into a small foggy cemetary.

"Where are we?" Harry stared around, shaken by the scenery.

"Godric's Hollow." Severus explained, "Your parent's graves are here."

Harry froze like a startled deer, his eyes wide and face drawn. Severus walked toward the entrance, where the small gate opened and pulled it aside for Harry. At first he did not think Harry would follow, but after a long moment, he did. Severus pulled a white flower from another grave and lay in gently on Lilly's grave kneeling over it and tracing her name with his hand. Then he glanced back to Harry who was reading in the gravestones, taking it in numbly.

"They're here..." Harry's voice was choked and small. Severus watched tears trickle off his face in the dim light of the graveyard. His eyes were wide with horror, and all that he had lost was clear on his face. This was Harry's weakness, right here, and Severus was going to exploit it for all he was worth.

"She was so beautiful," Severus said thoughtfuly. "I couldn't go to her funeral in the end, because it was too dangerous."

"My parents died together! She wouldn't have wanted you there! You... weren't good enough for her," Harry snapped, all the rage he felt spilling over.

"But I'm good enough for you, right Harry?" Severus stood up and dusted the debree off his clothes. "No, that's right you are fucking Ginny Weasley now."

"Shutup! She's just my girlfriend," Harry turned to face Severus, arms crossed childishly, pouting.

"Then what am I, your boyfriend?" A sardonic smile on his face, lifting a hand to grab Harry's chin to tilt it up because he wanted to hear Harry say it.

"No, my lover," Harry said plainly, shaking his head out of Severus' hand, disgusted with himself or both of them. The shock of the word being used to describe him left him reeling for a moment, before he could respond.

"Ahh, you really think so?" Severus asked, contemplating this strange turn of events. Harry certainly was quite a "pimp" -to use the muggle term- if that's what he was trying to accomplish. "Alright then, if that's how you want it. Take off your clothes."

"Huh?" Harry's eyes understand but his face was a mask of incomprehension. Then he glanced around, eyes lingering on the names of Lilly and James Potter in horror.

"You want me right?" Severus whispered into Harry's ear, making sure to breath warm air into it. Harry bit his lip which was trembling slightly. It was tantalizing to Severus to see him be so uncertain.

"No," Harry jerked away when Severus bent to kiss him. "Not here!"

"Yes," Severus snarled, grabbing Harry's arm in an iron grip. "Isn't this why you visited me tonight?" Without waiting for an answer Severus pulled Harry roughly in his grip and threw him down before his father's gravestone. Harry hit his head on the hard surface and the crown of his head bled a single drop down his forehead onto the scar there. He cringed and covered his head defensively, glaring at Severus.

Firmly but gently, Severus pressed Harry's hands to the ground on his sides, and leaned over him considering the situation. Harry's eyes were overflowing with tears that he held in just barely. Harry's eyes told the story of the devestation of a life he could have had, and mourning of the people he had never known. It was somehow so heartbreaking that Severus paused.

"Why are you doing this?" Harry said, his voice cracking.

"To remind you where you come from," Severus responded easily, kissing Harry's neck causing the boy to moan and squirm below him, breathing harshly from pain and pleasure.

"And where I'm going?" Harry snapped angrily. This morbid thought was so disgusting to Harry that he glanced back at the graves and shuddered almost convulsively.

"To not fear death..." Severus bit hard on Harry's neck and sucked, leaving a deep purple mark on Harry's skin. "... and remember that love can guide you."

Harry made a small jump but Severus barely registered it, too busy untangling and untying Harry's robes. The boy's incredulous expression did not go unnoticed however. Instead Severus put it put of his mind for the time being. His hands were busy and his mouth was on Harry's lips again, lingering there when there was a response from the boy. The kiss was sweet with longing and emotion, which Harry seemed to have in abundance. Such an emotional lover Severus had never had before and his body was also reacting. Harry's skin was smooth and soft like a baby's, and Severus couldn't get enough of rubbing his hands on it, in circles and lingering caresses. When he got every layer of clothing off both of them, he was able to fully appreciate the younger body below him. Harry was very skinny but had a good body tone from playing Quidditch.

Harry was not shy but was enjoying this more than he wanted to admit. His face was slightly flushed as Severus began to move his hands lower, and reached his penis which was hard now. Severus distracted him with long strokes while moving his other hand down to Harry's ass. He inserted one finger, then the next, and Harry anticipated this by trying his best to relax his body. Severus took this as a sign of acceptance and carefully prepared and stretched Harry. Harry's mouth was open with a stifled reaction from the immense pleasure, guarding himself because they were outside. It was a feeling of freedom but also vulnerability that Severus had needed to put them at an even playing ground. When he was sufficiently prepared, Severus pressed close to insert his hard cock. For a moment he was surrounded by such amazing pressure and thought he would lose control completely. Then he started to move slowly, trying to allow Harry time to adjust and become used to it. Harry's cheeks were now an even deeper red and his face was tense with concentration. He cried out suddenly when Severus thrust in and the man continued to hit the same spot over and over, before cuming inside Harry. Harry came a few moments later and they lay panting and entangled in eachother's arms on the cold earth.

Harry's sniffling was the only sound he made, and he was braced on the ground even after Severus retreated from him. He wondered if he had badly hurt the boy beyond forgiveness. It was a sobering thought, but not an unplanned situation. Harry merely gazed at him over his shoulder with a bland look, measuring Severus in his nudity. They were both sticky and half hard, still coming down from their high after sex. Severus began to dress slowly against the windy night.

"You're so hard to figure out sometimes." Harry said bitterly, rummaging through his rumpled pile of clothes. "I wanted to make you jealous. That's why I agreed to date Ginny. She really loves me so much and I was so happy. But I..."

"There isn't a lot of time," Severus said, his own available explanation for everything. Perhaps it was too late to try and remedy things but he wanted to portray his feelings even a little. Harry turned away, hiding his face and seemingly examining his parent's tomb.

"I thought they wouldn't mind so much if it was-" Harry's voice fell flat, and he didn't continue what he was going to say. He looked uncertainly, at Severus and then his teeth snapped shut. The fear in his eyes was mingled with some deeper emotion that shone through. Severus watched him in morbid curiosity, feeling no shame or regret. He knew that things were going to be shattered even though he thought that it would all be his own fault. Somehow things would work out for the best in the end.

When Harry was dressed, he followed Severus out of the graveyard. He looked back once more to where the last of his family lay buried, and then returned to Hogwarts. Severus was tempted to bring him back to his room, but before he could ask Harry split from him, and with one steady look he backed away. Severus was left to wonder if the boy had realized that it would be their last meeting together.

End of Chapter 11.


	12. Chapter 12

A drop in the Bucket Chapter 12

by Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Author's comments: Hey thanks for keeping up with the story if you have, I really appreciate it. This is only my third fic. I have decided to work harder on my writing, and what better way to do it? I am very new at this, but I am working hard to see what works and what doesn't. I was scared to change the story at first and do my own thing, but eventually when I did change things I really enjoyed those chapters the best. Even though someone said it wasn't very compelling, I think that it was great improvement for me! I guess that's what I get for putting a story online, open to anybody to see. Well people have always said things like that about my art work and my writing. It makes me want to work harder and do better!! Wish me luck. And now the rest.

Harry was a contradictary figure, with his brave full speed run and with his desperate face full of anguish. Severus could not help but glance back at him as he ran from Hogwarts, and toward the gates. With the other death eaters escaping before him Severus, slowed, then turned and faced Harry. It was for the boys own good that he be stopped, for he was no match for all of them. Headless of the danger, he boy shouted one spell and then another, his mind making it easy for a dark arts master like Severus to deflect it. He was prepared for each one, the horror of Dumbledore's death so sudden and unimaginable to the boy, that his eyes were glassy and stunned. Severus focused on him, rather than what had just happened, what he had done. Harry's wand was pointed simply, his hair wild and damp. The spells were aimed with a sense of reluctance quite apparent in each spell. They weren't full of hate or anger, just a profound power that was so self-righteous that it couldn't have hurt much if it had hit.

"Draco, go!" Severus raised his wand, now focusing on Harry's pale face. He wondered where the boy could have popped out of so conveniently in time to know what Severus had done. Dumbledore must have made sure to conceal the boy using force, because Harry had a way of butting in on things that weren't his business. Severus' shame was well veiled behind his iron will to survive. Nobody could fulfill his role and so for Harry's sake he would live, if only to cause more deaths. However, in his mind none could have so terrible an impact as the headmaster. He wanted to be dead, but was not allowed even that.

All spells reflected and rejected, Harry was still trying to attack, and doing a poor job of it. In his minds eye he saw the boy in the cemetery, flushed and without shame. it almost distracted him. He glanced over the boy slowly. The horcrux must be with Harry now, because Dumbledore had planned it and therefore must be so. A death eater ran by and spotted them, throwing a spell at the boy before he could be stopped. Severus watched with horror as some fool hit Harry with a curse, and the boy collapsed screaming his lungs raw.

"NO! Potter belongs to the Dark Lord! Get out of here," Harry's eyes were open partially, and he was gasping for breath. He wasn't dead, and Severus considered him with all the compassion of a vulture. It felt right somehow to betray this boy. Like the death of his parents made him susceptible to this sort of thing, and his life was planned for him to endure it as a matter of course. Severus had no notion of how one survived such things.

Severus walked carefully to Harry searching for some sign of defending himself. But no, the boy was dazed and in pain, glaring at Severus was taking the last dregs of his effort. Severus was disapointed that all the fight was out of him already.

"Kill me," Harry whispered, his lips forming the words as his face grimaced. The fear in his eyes was distant and his whole body relaxed.

"Kill me! Like you killed them! Bastard," Harry spoke those words like a curse and it was more hurtful than any spell. Not that Harry would ever know. Instead of attacking he backed away, leaving the grounds and all that they had held for him. The next step in the plan was coming to him, and he was to follow the death eaters to Malfoy's house. Reluctantly he moved but he carefully showed nothing in his mind to indicate his emotions. All he could do was close his mind, and the last happy moments in his heart could not reach him.

The Dark Lord prepared him to return to Hogwarts. It made things easier, and Severus plotted in Dumbledore's office as he took over as headmaster of the school. To protect his students he had to make sure he was believably frightening, and ruled as if in a dictatorship. Meanwhile he was able to carefully hide the sword of Griffindor and replace it with a fake. It was the last symbol of Dumbledore's power, meant only for Harry. He was outraged when a couple of students tried to take it. He made a show of punishing them, abusing his power as much as he deemed appropriate considering his position. It made for an amusing game, seeing how far he could push people whose side he was actually on. It was dangerous, and he felt like the role was tailor made for him.

He kept a watch out for Harry, Hermione, and Ron, admitting if only to himself that they were clever, but still very inexperienced. He had found that they were hiding in a wood near a muggle town. It was almost laughable that the Dark Lord would avoid these types of places, allowing so called traitors to sneak through the cracks so easily. Unable to resist, Severus stood in the shadows of the trees, letting his patronus do his work for him. Harry ran by him, looking thinner and worse for wear, the breeze hit Severus gently as he ran by -he was that close. It made Severus' heart beat wildly, hoping he would get the sword by his own strength and earn its help as Dumbledore had told him. He leaned against the tree, concealed by the this branches and darkness they created.

"Help me," Harry asked, unable to comprehend it as usual. Half a moment later the boy was tearing his clothes off, staring below the ice at what lay below the ice laced surface/ His body was so white and sickly looking from lack of proper care, and from the side his skin was blue and he was shaking from the freezing cold. Severus watched hungrily, wanting to talk to him and tell him somehow that he wanted to help. It was impossible after what had happened. But he felt that Harry would understand. Severus couldn't face that forgiveness. He remembered Harry's voice, screaming after him, cursing him and calling him "coward." He disapparated, knowing that he could not help him now, and afraid to get involved with him again. His emotions were chaotic, but he was determined to regain control, pushing himself to be on guard more and more. Life was so cold and empty now, all that he'd once had and never appreciated was taken from him by his Master and worst enemy. Only Harry could save him from this now. In a way, Harry had become his last hope. The thought was not comforting when he knew that the boy was careless, emotional, and thick-headed. His heart ached and felt heavy with loneliness that he was suffering with.

The castle was quiet as a tomb when Harry Potter snuck into Hogwarts. Severus Snape wandered through the corridors, feeling a sense of wrongness, or maybe of excitement. He didn't know for sure. Severus realized it was happening when the two Death Eaters that were stationed at the school didn't show up when they should, and then one of them called for the Dark Lord to come. It was a jarring realization that Harry was there, and nothing could change his mind when he saw the look on Professor McGonagall's face. She carefully avoided looking around, pursing her lips and trying to appear casual. Clearly she was practiced in Occlumency, but had no acting skills to speak of. It was laughable, really.

"Where's Potter?" He hissed, peering at her in determination, and then all around the spot where she stood. It was silent, eerily so, yet not an empty echo that the school usually gave off. There was definite mischief about, and he knew who was responsible. Severus was not thrown off by the woman's scoffing and haughty dismissal. However when they were interrupted by the other teachers, it was clear that he would not be able to speak to the boy. Undeterred, Severus escaped the hallway, and out the window to meet the Dark Lord.

He was able to find the Dark Lord alone in the shrieking shack easily because that's where he had been told to go when the time came to invade the school. It had been a convenient meeting place for the Death Eaters and their master for the months before this night. Now Severus faced the Dark Lord in anticipation. He had to find Harry no matter what he did. This was his last chance.

The Dark Lord had a strange presence to Severus. It was cold and hollow, making his skin crawl with an eagerness to get away. He was staring Severus in the eyes, face completely thoughtful and blank. There was no warning for the attack from Nagini.

Severus had not enjoyed his life since the Dark Lord had snatched away his one love, and now he was dying all alone and bitter. It was cold and hard, and he had not even been able to do his last job for Dumbledore. He had not yet spoken to Harry about the truth, and lying there inside the hollowed remains of the shack, he regretted his terrible mistakes. Once upon a time he would have died gladly for Voldemort, because he had believed in such a cause. The pureness of wizard blood had only been an excuse to have a purpose in life -something he had never really known, without anyone to care about it.

He lay there in his own pooling blood, grasping at the wound from the snake Nagini, feeling faint and horrified. The other wizard stepped over the mess, unconcerned about anything but the wand he carried. Severus sighed out his last strong breath, and waited there with eyes closed, for his end to come. A soft sound aroused him and he peered out through his blurred sight to see a face he had not imagined he would get to see before him. The boy was there, Harry had found him, and was now crouched warily before him. Sadness touched his eyes, and he gently moved Severus' hair from his face where it had stuck there with sweat.

He had to act quickly, pulling the memories forth and allowing them to flow out of his mind through his eyes, lips, and nose. There was no way he could speak to Harry now, with his dying breaths overtaking him. Harry collected the memories in a vial, that appeared seemingly out of nowhere. His vision was blurry so he couldn't tell where it came from.

Harry's eyes were so close, that Severus could admire them openly. He couldn't speak but he was able to reach one hand up and touch Harry's cheek gently with the tips of his fingers. Harry's eyes were surprised, and hurt, but behind that emotion was a deeper sorrow. Was it for him? Severus couldn't be sure, but he was moved nonetheless. Gasping for breath, he realized he had wiped some of his blood on the boy's face, leaving a finger print on his jaw line.

"It's ok, please, you'll be ok, I promise. Just don't move... I'll get help," Harry's voice pleaded with him, his hands covering the wound, trying to stop the flow of his life's blood from his open wound. It was useless. Severus didn't understand how Harry would still want to save him, but it made him smile through his pain, a peaceful feeling that made him want to live more than ever. Finally he was no longer able to hold on, and his eyes closed on the beautiful sight of someone who might truly mourn him. It was more than he could have ever asked for.

The End.


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